A man requested a female blonde painter to paint him in the nude.
"No" the talented blonde artist said. "I don"t do that sort of thing.
"I"ll increase your fee two times," he said.
"No, no thanks!!"
"I"ll give five times as much as you normally get."
Okay, said the artist, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to place my brushes."
Three blondes are talking about their boyfriends.
"It's funny," says Samantha, "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm sucking his dick."
"You know what?" replies Jenny. "It's exactly the same with my Richard..."
They turn to the third blonde and ask, "When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, too?"
"Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put Chris's thing in my mouth!"
"You're crazy," one of the blondes pipes up. "A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy. You should try it."
She says she'll think about it. The next morning, they meet at the cafe and the blowjob novice is sporting a wicked shiner. "Whoa!" the first blonde asks. "How did you get that black eye?"
"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," she says.
"What on earth for?" the second blonde asks.
"I don't know," she replies. "All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as how Pete's and Richard's are so cold."
very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist's couch telling him how frustrated she was since she always failed at everything she seemed to try.
"I've tried to be a secretary and failed," she complained. "I tried to be an actress and failed. Then, I tried sales and I failed at that too."
The doctor thought for a moment and then said, "It is important for everyone to live a full and meaningful life. Have you tried nursing?"
She thought about his suggestion for a second, then opened her blouse and revealed one of her luscious breasts.
Pointing it at the doctor, she said, "OK, I'll give it a try."
A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young blonde in a pub and said, "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
"Yes I do," replied the beautiful blonde, "But go ahead, as I'm sure you're going to ask me anyway."
"OK," said the shy, drunken, innocent young man, "How many men have you slept with?"
"That's my business!" snapped the blonde.
"Oh, right!" said the bloke, "I didn't realize you made a living out of it!
Three blondes passed every day through a street that led them from their room to their office. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.
One day, they heard, "Red, blue, black."
One of the blondes noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to her friends, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible.
The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke, "Black, black, black."
Hearing that, girls were astonished!! One of the blondes spoke up: "Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird."
Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should wear any underwear. So, next day they wore no underwear and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house.
They peeked at the bird. At the beginning, the parrot looked a bit puzzled. He swung back and forth on the cane he was perched on.
Then, after a while, the Parrot spoke, "Straight, Straight, Curly!"
Eva, a blonde city girl, marries a rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Eva, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"
So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Eva takes him down to the barn. They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one..... right here."
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "How did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Eva explains.
Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
"I guess it's to hang your pants on," she tells him as she walks away.
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks, "Why in the world are you walking around like this?"
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy... '
"And here I am."
A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"
The big woman replies, Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I'm blond, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blond woman sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 220 pounds, and she is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blond who is 6'5, weighs 250 pounds, and she's a current professional kickboxer. Now, do you still want to tell that blond joke?
The guy thinks about it a second and says, No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times.
Police was investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 9th-story office.
Nancy, his voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for the action but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since she started working for him, a month ago.
"After my very first week on the job," Nancy said, "I received a raise. At the end of the second week he called me into his private office, gave me a lovely black nightie, five pairs of nylon stockings and said, 'These are for a beautiful efficient secretary.'
"At the end of the third week he gave me a fabulous mink stole. Then, this afternoon, he called me into his private office again, presented me with this fabulous diamond bracelet and asked me if I could consider making love to him and what it would cost."
"I told him that I would, and because he had been so nice to me, he could have it for just 500 bucks, although I was charging all the other guys in the office one thousand. That's when he jumped out the window."
A phone company put an ad in the paper in order to recruit workers. The next day, two groups of workers show up - a crew of five men and a crew of five blonde women.
The company cannot decide who to give the job to, so they give the two groups a test. The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that must be installed into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first will get the job."
Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the Company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back. A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the male crew returns.
"Yes!" they shout. "We came back first, so we get the job!!"
"Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of traffic or the truck breaking down."
"Fine, no problem," say the men.
An hour passes, two hours pass, three hours. Finally, at 8:30, the Blonde crew arrives. All the group is flushed and breathing hard, as if they had just gone through harsh labor.
"What happened to you? What took so long?" asks the boss incredulously.
"What do you mean, 'what took so long'?? Do we get the job?"
"YOU get the job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!"
"Well, of course they were," say the blondes. "They only put the pole in halfway!!"
A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. No, it's not the usual caps-lock problem.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After approximately 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.
"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.
Whereupon the old lady answers, 'We just love the chocolate around them
A young man wanted to get his beautiful "blonde" wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cellphone.
She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping.
Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"he says "how do you like your new phone?", she replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"
