As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition




She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head




She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner




About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.




He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery




She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers




She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!




He's tighter than a photo finish.




He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt




He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.




He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.




He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.




Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.




As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat