Lights on, door open, nobody at home




As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.




He's as bent as a butchers hook




He's as happy as a Pig in $hit




About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box.




About as subtle as a flying brick




She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum




She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs




As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm




She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.




About as interesting as watching paint dry




Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard




I've seen better hands on a clock




As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market