It's colder than a penguin's bollocks

She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging




You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier

She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard

As rare as a Blonde virgin

I've seen more hair on a billiard ball

He's as camp as a row of tents

I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box

They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up

As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium

You could park a bike on that bum

He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank

He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure

Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers

About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.

They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump