Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.
Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
Excuse me, is that your nose, or are you eating a Banana?
When you were born, did they let your Mother out of her cell?
You're so bent you make roundabouts look straight!
I've seen better hands on a leper!
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
You've got more chins than a Chinese phone book!
I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.
You're a habit I'd like to kick -- with both feet.
So now we know why some mammals eat their children...
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
-(Henry Kissinger)
His mouth is a no-go area. It's like kissing the Berlin Wall
- (Helena Bonhem Carter on Woody Allen)
He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard.
- (Unknown)
A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck.
- (Tom Shale on Robin Williams)
If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.
- (Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono)
God does not play dice with the universe.
- (Albert Einstien)
She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy.
- (Dwight McDonald on Doris Day)
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- (President Harry S Truman)
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- (W C Fields)
He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker.
- (S J Perelman on Groucho Marx)
Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
- (Abbey Hoffman)
Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
- (Don Rickles)
Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese
- (Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe)
The thief of bad gags.
- (Walter Winchell on Milton Berne)
I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born
- (Ronald Reagan)
He's proof that there's life after death.
- (Mort Sahl on Ronald Reagan)
The only genius with an IQ of 60.
- (Gore Vidal on Andy Warhol)
He's so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund.
- (Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier)
She's so stupid she returns bowling balls because they've got holes in them.
- (Joan Rivers on Bo Derek)
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
- (Bob Wells)
Can't act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.
- (Screen Tester on Fred Astaire)
An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf.
Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.
He could start a row in an empty house
When Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize, what is there left for satire?
