Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown




Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.




Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith




There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran




The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde




An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie




Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams




A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.




They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood




There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood




The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.





A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman





Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx





After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi





A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson





The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman





Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West





The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher





I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann




I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli




I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker




When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry




Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin




Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus




By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates




A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland




Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck




All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron




Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman