Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.



I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.



How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.



Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...



U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....sh*t...I got wrong number...SORRY :)



I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!



On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.



The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.



Nope.....u still ugly!



Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty.



What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.



Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'



Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey, no worries - I sure science will come up with somin to help u.



I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...! Nice Ass.



How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.



How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!



It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.



Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!



In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it's too heavy.



Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?

A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?



Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole!



Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.



What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start anything.



Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?



Bud, what happen??? tried callin many time, everytime i get operator sayin 'Sorry, The Subscriber U R Calling is having Sex, Please try again later.'



Bloke calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm sick"
Boss asks: "How sick are u?"
Bloke: "I'm F****ing my Sis, how sick is that???"